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Dear Jane,

My wife has embraced a gross new 'fad'– if that's even the right word – and it's completely turned me off wanting to have sex with her.

A few months ago, she fell down a TikTok hole of all these women who were 'abandoning their razors' and 'embracing their natural body hair', and it made her decide she wanted to do the same. She said she'd gone too long stressing about a bit of leg hair and underarm 'fuzz' and decided she couldn't be bothered to keep up all that maintenance.

To begin with, I was kind of unfazed by it. It's her body, and I figured a bit of hair wasn't going to make much of a difference!

But the longer it's gone on, the more and more grossed out I've become. I know it sounds sexist or misogynistic or whatever else you want to call it, but I just don't find it attractive at all. I think it's disgusting.

Dear Jane, my wife is refusing to shave her body hair - and it's grossing me out so much that our sex life is now non-existent 

Obviously I haven't said this to her because, no matter what her body hair situation, I still love her, it's just… the attraction I once felt to her is kind of gone since this body hair epiphany.

She's obviously picked up on the fact that I haven't been 'in the mood' as much lately, but doesn't seem to have any clue about the real reason.

I don't want to hurt her, I really don't, but I'm worried that my marriage is going to fall apart if something doesn't change pretty soon.

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers' most burning issues in her Dear Jane agony aunt column

How would you fix this mess?

From,

Razor Burn

Dear Razor Burn,

This is a tough one to answer, for on the one hand of course your wife should be able to do whatever she wants when it comes to her body, without worrying about what anyone else thinks, even her husband.

And yet part of me also recognizes that marriage is always about compromise. 

Sometimes we end up doing things that we may not do if left to our own devices, but we do them to serve a greater good – the peace and happiness of our marriage.

I think you can say everything that you said above, to your wife. You love her, whatever her body hair situation, but you find yourself less attracted to the fur. 

Share how confusing this is, and perhaps how you know you don't have a right to tell her what to do, and what does she think.

Have a conversation about it. If you can honestly convey not just that you don't like it, but precisely why you don't like it, I would imagine that she will want to put the needs of the marriage above the ease of a razor-free life.

Wishing you luck…

 

Dear Jane,

I am a retired 70 year old who is raising an autistic son as a single parent. His mother, my second wife, ran off in 2018 after 20 years together, having emptied our bank accounts along the way. After she left, my son – who is now 26 – really stepped up to help out financially. He got a good job and contributed to the bills, and the two of us were very happy living together.

Until our landlord sold our home, leaving us with a new owner who significantly increased the rent, while ignoring all of the repairs that need to be done.

It quickly became clear that we needed to find somewhere else to live but due to rent increases in our area, it felt like we had no options. It was at that point that my first wife stepped in to offer us an arrangement: we could both move into her home, rent-free, provided we help out with the chores and help her to get to her doctors' appointments.

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The deal seemed like a dream. She and I had always remained on friendly terms after we split – and it felt as though enough time had passed (26 years!) for us both to cohabitate without any major issues, so I readily agreed.

But not long after we moved in, it became clear to me that she was incredibly jealous of the bond that I share with my son and the attention that I was giving him. She never had kids of her own and doesn't really know how to parent, particularly when it comes to young people with autism.

A horrible pattern developed between the two of them in which she would demand he did something for her, he'd refuse, and she would then threaten to kick him out. So much resentment and animosity built up between the two of them that he started rebelling, he quit his job, is refusing to look for other work, and instead is focused entirely on writing a book, which his friends online have somehow convinced him will be a major hit.

The fact that he's home all day hasn't done anything to improve relations between my son and my ex, however. I find myself constantly stuck in the middle of the two of them and I hate seeing what this situation has done to my son, but with him out of work and me earning very little from social security, there aren't really many other choices for us.

Dear Jane's Sunday service 

Communication within a marriage is the single biggest issue behind couples break-ups. 

While break-ups can be down to a single fight or a betrayal, it is so often the tiniest things that build, the times you didn't tell your spouse you don't like them furry, when you didn't say anything when yet again the dishes were left, the times you decided to keep quiet because it wasn't worth the hassle. 

Do sweat the small stuff, and speak up, or you fill find that one day there will be a straw that breaks the camel's back, and once it is broken, there is no going back.

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All I want to do is make peace here… any ideas how to do that?

From,

Man in the Middle

Dear Man in the Middle,

What a deeply upsetting situation you find yourself in, and how sorry I am that you are in it. 

There is no obvious solution, but I do think the peace and happiness of you and your son, a peace and happiness you had enjoyed until the reappearance of your first wife, should be your paramount concern.

Autism can manifest in so many different ways. There is no doubt that your ex-wife could learn the skills to help an autistic child feel safe and loved. If she chose. 

I don't know that she is willing to put in that sort of work to help a young man she seems to resent, but at the very least I would look for books, or articles that you can suggest she read in order to better understand how to treat your son.

You are caught between a rock and a hard place. I believe your focus ought to be on building up your son, helping him feel capable and strong, regardless of the behavior of anyone around him. 

Fortestrong.com offers a 'Failure to Launch' program for young men, helping them to be healthier, happier, and most importantly, independent. T

ake the focus off worrying about the dynamic between your son and the first wife, instead focusing on how your son can build his skills so he can weather this kind of storm without giving up the incredible progress he had made.